I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
