so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
