Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
no you cant smoke seaweed
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
