There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
