My liver just broke up with me...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
