All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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