There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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