your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
