I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
