She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
