aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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