Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
