she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
