I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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