Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
