haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
