either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
