That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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