just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
