I am puke
tell your sister to shave her snatch
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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