I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Randomize
