Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You're a waste of cheezeits
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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