You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
