She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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