Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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