i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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