I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize