I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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