When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
