I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
