and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Drake has all the answers
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
