i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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