i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
