i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
