He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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