he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
