haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
