He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
