Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
