It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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