we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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