and she was petting her beer can
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
