U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
