Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
