He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
