....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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