The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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