explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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