Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
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