all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
