Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
