I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
