At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
