Me too!
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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