his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
