Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
