Nicole vs. Life
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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