So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The air taste purple.
Randomize
